Welcome ~ This is not a therapist referral directory, per se, but rather a list of brilliant INTERSECTIONAL voices whose work can help to deepen our understanding of relational abuse, systemic oppression, trauma, power, liberation, and healing
I share with you here a list of therapists, authors, and educators who offer crucial insights, expertise, and experiential knowledge on interpersonal, systemic, and intergenerational abuse, oppression, trauma—and healing.
They show us another world of healing—one where people who cause harm are not reduced to monsters, demons, or vampires, and those who are harmed are not elevated to mythical harmless empaths. They show us another world of healing we are all understood as human beings shaped by the contexts of relationships, histories, and systems of power.
If you are in immediate danger or a life-threatening situation: please call 911.
While contacting law enforcement carries real and serious risks—particularly for those who are Black, Indigenous, People of Color, undocumented, trans, queer, or otherwise systematically marginalized and oppressed—you do deserve safety and care. It is important to make the choice that feels safest for you in your specific context, even when that “choice” is between unsafe and unsafe.
If you are seeking immediate support for staying safe (as possible) in a current abusive relationship and/or for planning a safe exit from the relationship: please call the Domestic Violence Hotline.
I understand how validating and comforting it can feel to read books and scroll through social media to learn about abusive relationships, however if you are experiencing escalation in the abuse you are enduring and struggling to find ways to avoid or de-escalate the abuse, or to safely leave the abuser, it might be more helpful for you to focus on safety planning while you remain in the relationship and/or while you exit.
If you are seeking more general support for understanding and navigating interpersonal or systemic abuse, oppression, and healing: please continue reading.
I’m so glad you are here.
The therapists, authors, and educators listed below do not specialize in narcissism or “narcissistic abuse.” They conceptualize survivorship and healing within the contexts of intersectionality, historical and systemic oppression, decolonization, epigenetics, intergenerational trauma, somatic experiences, post-traumatic growth, personal accountability, trauma-informed care, and Collective Liberation.
Nikki Blak / @nikkiblak
Catrina Brown
Dr. Akilah Cadet / @changecadet
Nahid de Belgeonne / @thehumanmethoduk
Dr. Joy DeGruy / @dr.joydegruy
Farzana Doctor / @farzanadoctor
Maria Fakhouri / @mariafakhouripsychotherapy
Stephanie Foo / @foofoofoo
Robyn L. Gobin / @drrobyngobin
Aishia Grevenberg / @mytherapistlife
Natalie Y. Gutiérrez / @nataliegutierrezlmft
Prentis Hemphill / @prentishemphill
Barbara (B) Herring / @justbtherapy
myisha t. hill / @myishathill / @healyourwayforward
bell hooks
Judy Hu / @judyhuboundarycoach
Dr. Shavonne Jeanne / @dr.shavonnejeanne
Dr. Renee Linklater
Dr. Aimee Martinez / @draimeemartinez
Resmaa Menakem / @resmaamenakem
Ashani Mfuko / @ashanimfukoofficial
Dr. Barbara Shabazz / @dr.bshabazz
Cassandra Solano / @healinglineages
Sonya Renee Taylor / @sonyareneetaylor
Rahim Thawer / @the.politicized.practitioner
In 2021, I moved away from focusing on individual pathology—such as narcissism—as the “cause” of relational abuse and trauma, and I receded from the discourse and practice of “narcissistic abuse recovery.”
Many highly acclaimed experts on relational abuse, trauma, and healing who include the context of oppressive supremacist systems and structures within their works (even though their white privilege protects them from mainstream scrutiny should they choose to exclude systemic context ) such as Dr. Judith L. Herman, Dr. Bruce Perry, Dr. Lynn Layton, Dr. Gabor Maté, Staci K. Haines, and Lundy Bancroft.
“I believe that if you don’t recognize the built-in biases in yourself and the structural biases in your systems—biases regarding race, gender, sexual orientation—you can’t truly be trauma-informed. Marginalized peoples—excluded, minimized, shamed—are traumatized peoples, because as we’ve discussed, humans are fundamentally relational creatures. To be excluded or dehumanized in an organization, community, or society you are part of results in prolonged, uncontrollable stress that is sensitizing. Marginalization is a fundamental trauma. This is why I believe that a truly trauma-informed system is an anti-racist system. The destructive effects of racial marginalizing are pervasive and severe.”
~ Dr. Bruce Perry in What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing (2021), with Oprah Winfrey
The main reason for my departure from the “narcissistic abuse recovery” spaces and frameworks was because unlike their peers, Herman, Perry, Layton, Maté, Haines, and Bancroft, the experts and influencers on narcissism and “narcissistic abuse” exclude the context of oppressive supremacist systems and structures almost entirely and seem to uphold and even placate to cis-hetero ableist capitalist patriarchal Christian white supremacy (even if inadvertently). Their articles, books, and videos seem to be created exclusively for cis-hetero non-disabled white survivors.
The experts and influencers on narcissism and “narcissistic abuse” fail to acknowledge and address systemic oppression and the many ways oppressive systems and structures invalidate, devalue, gaslight, subjugate, control, coerce, subjugate, isolate, exclude, discard, and try to discredit and shift blame (aka “narcissistic abuse”) onto people who are Black, Brown, Indigenous, trans, queer, and disabled.
They fail to even acknowledge, let alone validate or empathize with, survivors who are Black, Brown, Indigenous, trans, queer, or disabled and the unique vulnerabilities faced by systemically marginalized and oppressed survivors.
They fail to introduce or engage with terms, concepts, and contexts impacting systemically marginalized and oppressed survivors such as intersectionality, racial gaslighting, micro-aggressions, white fragility, epigenetics, historical oppression, colonialism, large-scale violence and human rights violations, cultural genocide, intergenerational trauma, or white supremacy culture.
They fail to include, share, or reference the ample and vital research, scholarship, and ancestral and experiential knowledge of experts on interpersonal and systemic abuse, oppression, trauma, and healing who are Black, Brown, Indigenous, trans, queer, or disabled.
They fail to acknowledge that everyone has the capacity to cause harm, not just the pathological few, and that survivors of abusive relationships can also be abusive and oppressive themselves if they happen to be racist, ableist, anti-trans/queer, xenophobic, classist, or perhaps too ego-fragile or too attached to being perceived as “good” or as “empaths” to tolerate the discomfort of being called in for even unintentional harm or bigotry without lashing out or collapsing.
They fail to encourage survivors to build their capacity for discomfort, difficult conversations, and critical self-reflection as to not succumb to the tragic trajectory of becoming oppressive in response to being oppressed.
“As a Black disabled woman, I never get a break. I could literally be on vacation and be discriminated against from the airport to the hotel. As I go through TSA, my hair is patted down because the machines cannot see curly-textured hair. At the gate I am judged for boarding during pre-board because “I don’t look like I have a disability.” In first or business class I am asked if I am in the right seat…Upon arrival to the four- or five-star resort, the front desk staff is shocked that I am Dr. Cadet. And then, finally, when I make it to the crystal-clear saltwater pool overlooking a cerulean blue ocean, I am asked to show my room card to get a towel when white people before and after me are greeted with a towel and a smile. When I am on a literal break, I do not receive the comfort I deserve, which is the benefit of white supremacy. The safety and support white supremacy offers to rest and not be always on guard and alert. Taking a pause from advocating for myself and fellow BIPOC is a privilege I may never see in my lifetime.”
~ Dr. Akilah Cadet, White Supremacy Is All Around: Notes from a Black Disabled Woman in a White World (2024)
I now understand that it’s not narcissism causing so much chaos, confusion, harm, and dysfunction in our relationships, families, communities, and institutions; it’s supremacism (cis-hetero ableist capitalist patriarchal Christian white supremacy).
This shift has been profoundly transformative for me, both personally and professionally. My capacity for cultural humility, critical self-reflection, and tolerating the discomfort of difficult conversations has increased significantly which has enabled me to be more attuned, empathetic, present, and self-aware within both my clinical and personal relationships.
If you would like to learn more about why I stepped away from the “narcissistic abuse recovery” spaces, or about my evolving lens on relational abuse, trauma, and healing, I invite you to explore some of my work here: My Instagram / My Substack / Published Chapter
For inquiries regarding individual therapy, couples therapy, relationship coaching, professional consultation, collaboration, or media interviews, please contact my assistant, Ann: assistant@tanyagaum.com